The right size of a dildo

I was bing-watching Sex and the city, and at season 3, episode 3 there were a sceen about the significant shame to an absolutly normal thing such as having a dildo in a drawer. A drawer in the bedroom. Beside the bed. A dildo in a drawer in a bedstand. I know this is a show that’s quite old and outdated, but in 2000 when season 3 was recorded, I thought, as I do now, that owning a dildo was the most natural part of being a grown up woman. Have I been living in a bubble of solitude, feminist self-confident? Have I always been living in this bubble in solitude, or am I sharing the bubble with others?

It’s been 21 years. Is the shame of having a dildo still an issue to women? I had some craftsmen in my appartment a couple of years ago, and one of my dildos was lying on a chest in my bathroom. I wasn’t aware of it, and I didn’t get the grins of the men when they were done and disappeared out of my home. When I saw my dildo on show in my private chamber of nudity and disposal of body fluids and other I new what those smirks were about. I live in a rather large co-op of appartment blocks, and my block was the first one where they did their thing, what ever it might have been, I don’t remember. I met these men almost every day for weeks on my way to the bus or the grocery store. Always the same smile as if they had caught me butt naked in the act of masturbating. I chose to ignore them, but I couldn’t help myself from wondering about if their fun was just because I owned a dildo or due to the size of my precious one.

After decades of wearing contacts I finally bought new glasses last year. Bold and feisty Ray Ban Aviator; RB6489, colour gold, eyeglass -4. I’m not blind without them, but I sure ain’t no hawk eye either. The first day I wore them I noticed that my cat looked very small. I was confused for a second before I lifted my glasses and confirmed that it was due to the strength of my spectacles that everything were downsized. A few days later I was out on the town shopping and having a few beer in the breaks between different tasks and errands, and I got a little tipsy. I went past a boutique called Kondomeriet, a store specializing in sex toys. I dropped in, just out of curiousity off course, to take a look at what ever they had to offer of dildos and what the prize of such would be nowaday.

A young man asked politly if I needed some help, and I with my new Ray Ban’s asked if the dildo’s on display were all he got. I thought they looked quite small both for dildos and for dicks for that matter. He looked at me as if he didn’t know wether to take my question seriously or not, but he picked out a black one and laid it on the counter. I was really surprised. Quite shocked actually. “Is this the biggest you’ve got?” He nodded. “Are you serious? Is this normal?” The young man suddenly looked very insecure. “You don’t have any bigger than that one, and these are the type you sell the most?” I pointed startled in my state of being slightly drunk at a pair of dildos he had picked out as the most popular and which I thought were ridiculously tiny for any one-eyed trouser snake to be, not to mention for a dildo.

I can’t even explain the poor guys facial expression and it wasn’t before the day after I realized that the dildos was about 20% downsized in the vision of my new glasses. Me and my friends had a good laughter over this, and a few month later I went back to the store to explain the misunderstandment. The young man was there with a colleague, and he told me not only could he remember the episode very well. He was absolutly sure he was about to see himself on a hidden camera tv-show.

So what’s the right size of a dildo? I can only answer for myself, but as I’m surprisingly about to turn fifty, and I promise it’s a surprise, I can only declare that I’m still not embarassed over owning a dildo nor the size of my tools of self-gratification, and every woman knows that

SIZE MATTER!